One woman flew 20,000 miles, spent hundreds of hours on the phone and even more time filling out forms as she navigated her mother’s final illness and eventual death. Her mother had experienced what happens without an estate plan when her husband had died and didn’t want her daughter to go through the same difficulties, so the two planned. It was still a lot of work, says a recent article, “5 Things I Learned From Managing My Mother’s Money” from AARP, but done with love by mother and daughter. Here is the key estate planning document caregivers must have.
A durable power of attorney is the most important document to have while a loved one is living. It’s also the hardest to use. When someone is sick, there are deadlines, and going to court can take months. Having a valid legal document providing authorization to act for them is critical. It’s essential to prepare for banks and financial institutions to push back, as they are wary of fraud.
Sometimes, a letter from an estate planning attorney is enough to convince the bank of the Power of Attorney’s authenticity. In other cases, an estate planning attorney is needed to sue the bank to accept the client’s designation of a family member as a Power of Attorney. If the bank has its own forms, getting them into place before they are needed could preclude future battles.
There may also be struggles with Medicare, Social Security and long-term care insurance. The hardest fight this woman encountered was with the rehab facility trying to discharge her mother, even though she still had Medicare coverage left. There were two appeals and a letter to the rehab facility’s CEO. A thick skin and willingness to fight back are part of the landscape of caregiving.
It’s not always easy to spend someone else’s money. An additional $1,000 for a hospital bed mattress, where a standard one is covered by insurance, might seem like an extravagance. Still, for an elderly person who will be in bed for the foreseeable future, it’s money well spent.
Everyone should have an inventory of all assets and liabilities prepared. This woman’s mother had an outstanding home equity line of credit, and the sale of her condo couldn’t go forward without it being resolved. The problem was that there was no record of it in her mother’s files, and it took two days and delving into old emails to find anything to begin researching the loan.
How the woman managed to get into her mother’s AOL mailbox is another story—caregivers and executors need to prepare to manage their loved ones’ digital assets.
Having estate planning documents properly prepared and an estate planning attorney by your side makes caregiving and estate administration possible. Without a POA for finances, a Power of Attorney for medical decisions (also known as a Healthcare Proxy), a living will and a Last Will and Testament, loved ones are sent into battle with arms tied behind their backs. If you are a parent, the time to have a plan created is now. If you are an adult child, ask your parents about their estate plans. If in doubt, contact us for help. For families who do not have an existing estate planning attorney helping them, we offer you a free initial phone consultation with one of ours.
Reference: AARP (Oct. 2, 2025) “5 Things I Learned From Managing My Mother’s Money”
